So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize