First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
