This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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