I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
