Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He did a backflip because drugs
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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