i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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