Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
