I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I fill condoms, not promises.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
