i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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