I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
