I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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