coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
