she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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