His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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