ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
