The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
