is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize