She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
