having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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