Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
