Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
