My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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