I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
