Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
