1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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