I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
