I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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