I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
