this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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