this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
