His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
