The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I deserve this hangover.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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