If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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