K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
