I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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