dude i'm inner monologue high
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My ATM looks so different sober.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
