you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
