I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
