Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
