no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
