Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
two words: eviction party
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
