I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I've blown a few things in my day
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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