Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
