Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My liver just had a heart attack.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
