what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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