Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
