I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
50% drunk capacity currently
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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