Heybabeimwearingurpanties
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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