so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
