Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
