Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
