So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
