I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
