Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
