He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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