Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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