i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
