I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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