yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
