ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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