Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
