I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
