Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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