if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
