you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize