I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
