giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
