My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
