Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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