i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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