Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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