He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
