So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
