is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize