We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
