On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
