The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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