just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
