Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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