This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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