so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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