I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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