who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
