with your own penis?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
