areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize