At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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