I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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